Navigating Friendships When a Partner is Disliked: Expert Perspectives

Navigating Friendships When a Partner is Disliked: Expert Perspectives

The topic of how to manage friendships when one dislikes a friend's romantic partner has been discussed in various contexts, including within popular culture. Recent episodes of the Netflix series Selling Sunset depicted a disagreement between cast members Chrishell Stause and Emma Hernan regarding Hernan's partner, Blake Davis, whom Stause has expressed disapproval of. This situation has prompted discussions regarding maintaining friendships despite reservations about a friend's chosen partner.

In the series, Chrishell Stause, aged 44, stated her consistent disapproval of Emma Hernan's relationship with property developer Blake Davis. Stause cited allegations of "love-bombing" and "red flags" early in the relationship. "Love-bombing" typically refers to showering a partner with excessive gifts, attention, and promises. Hernan responded by stating she did not "fault" Stause for attempting to protect her, but desired Stause to "step back and realize" her level of affection and support for Davis. Hernan also commented, "I have enjoyed my time with him... Ultimately, it's my choice who I end up with."

Similar situations have been reported independently. One individual, identified as Hannah, reported a conflict with a long-term friend, Georgia, concerning Georgia's partner. Hannah indicated that Georgia had a history of relationships with individuals Hannah perceived as problematic. Hannah stated that Georgia moved away from London with a new partner who proposed within approximately one year. Hannah reported perceiving Georgia as being "under his spell." Prior to the wedding, during a social gathering, Hannah stated that Georgia's fiancé made sexual comments directed at Hannah, which she described as "very uncomfortable" and "came out of nowhere." When Hannah informed Georgia of the incident, Georgia reportedly "tried to minimize it," stating that her fiancé behaved similarly with other female friends.

Relationship expert and counsellor Anna Williamson, a dating expert featured on Channel 4's Celebs Go Dating, has provided guidance on addressing concerns about a friend's partner. Williamson emphasizes the importance of avoiding judgment or prescriptive advice, as this can lead to defensiveness. She advises separating personal emotions from the situation, as a friend might not recognize or acknowledge a potentially unhealthy relationship, possibly due to feelings of shame.

Williamson recommends initiating conversations with expressions of care, such as: "I care about you so much but I want to check in because I've noticed that you seem really stressed lately." She also advises focusing on observed facts rather than personal opinions, suggesting the avoidance of phrases like "I really don't like them," "I think they're toxic," or "I think they're abusive."

If an individual wishes to maintain a friendship while limiting interaction with the friend's partner, Williamson suggests a direct yet sensitive approach, such as: "I really care about you, but I need to take some space from your partner because I'm not comfortable with their behavior, but I really want to spend time with you." She also highlights the importance of maintaining a personal support system, as supporting others in such situations can be emotionally demanding.

Yasmin Shaheen-Zaffar, a relationship and trauma counsellor, advises against discussing the friend or their partner with others who might escalate the situation through gossip. Shaheen-Zaffar stresses the importance of personal safety in communication, as statements could be misinterpreted or used against the individual.