The Video Game Widow: How to Help a Loved One Lost to the Screen
A reader writes about their 70-year-old mother, who has been addicted to video games since the 1990s. For decades, she has lost herself in Tetris, solitaire, and digital slot machines. The behavior has worsened dramatically since the father’s death four years ago.
“She spends hours every day playing across multiple devices. She is emotionally unavailable to the family.”
When concerns are raised, the mother dismisses them outright. The reader now asks: Should we address this, or let it go?
An Expert Weighs In
Psychotherapist Rebecca Harris, manager of the National Centre for Gaming Disorders, offers compassionate insight. She notes that the gaming may not be a problem in itself, but a coping strategy.
“It is very likely that your mother is using gaming to avoid difficult emotions like grief, loneliness, or boredom.”
The Right Way to Start the Conversation
Harris urges a gentle, non-confrontational approach. Instead of focusing on the gaming, she suggests focusing on the relationship.
“The key is to express that you miss spending proper time with her. Frame it as ‘I miss you’ rather than ‘You play too much.’”
- Do not attack the habit.
- Do invite her into other activities.
- Listen without judgment.
The “Better Offer” Test
Harris notes a useful litmus test for true addiction: If she would stop gaming for a more appealing offer, it may not be an addiction.
“If she pauses the screen for a walk, a meal together, or a visit to a grandchild, then the gaming is likely a coping tool, not a compulsion.”
In that case, the solution is not confrontation but gentle re-engagement with real-world activities.
When It IS an Addiction
If she refuses all offers and the gaming remains her sole focus, professional help may be needed. The article provides specific resources for problem gambling—which covers digital slot machines—in the UK, US, and Australia.
Helplines
- UK: National Centre for Gaming Disorders
- US: Problem Gambling Helpline
- Australia: Gambling Help Online