A trend among young tech founders and professionals in Silicon Valley indicates a reduced engagement in romantic relationships, with many prioritizing intense work schedules over dating. This shift is often referred to as 'monk mode,' where individuals focus solely on building their startups.
Factors Contributing to the Trend
Work-Life Prioritization:
- Many young founders, such as Mahir Laul of Velric, report dedicating nearly all their time to work, leaving little for dating.
- This intense focus is described as an "obsession" with work by some individuals.
- Work schedules often include long hours, sometimes extending to six days a week, making time investment in relationships challenging.
Opportunity Cost:
- Founders, like Annie Liao of Build Club, view time spent on dating as an "opportunity cost" that could otherwise be used for startup development.
- Some prefer to postpone serious dating until their startups reach a more stable stage, such as after a Series B funding round.
- Daivik Goel of Shor likens relationships to startups, requiring significant initial time and nurturing, which he currently dedicates to his company.
Dating Approach and Mindset:
- Some tech professionals are reported to approach dating with metrics and business-like evaluations, such as rating potential partners or seeking "unicorn" matches.
- This approach is seen by some as an attempt to "biohack love" by applying optimization and ROI principles to personal relationships.
Skepticism and Fear:
- Startup advisor Dylan Oriundo suggests that founders may harbor fears about potential partners' motives, worrying they might only be interested in their wealth once a startup becomes successful.
San Francisco's Dating Scene:
- The city of San Francisco is cited by some as a contributing factor, with a long-standing reputation for a challenging dating environment.
- Concerns include a perceived gender ratio imbalance (51% men, 49% women, with higher disparities in tech) and a perceived lack of diverse interests among potential partners.
- As a result, some tech professionals 'import' dates from other cities or travel internationally for dating. Others relocate to cities like New York.
- Dating coaches, like Joyce Zhang, challenge the "ratio" argument, encouraging clients to focus on personal emotional availability.
Exceptions and Alternatives
- Some individuals, like Yang Fan Yun of Composite, who met their partners before beginning their intense startup journeys, maintain long-term relationships, describing them as supportive.
- Queer daters in San Francisco report a more flourishing LGBTQ+ scene, which may mitigate some of the general dating challenges.
- Unconventional dating methods are emerging, including working alongside a date or using platforms like LinkedIn for networking that can lead to romantic connections.